It’s not our fault our generation has short attention spans, Dad. We watch an appalling amount of TV.

Everybody sort of questioned why we get married on New Year’s Day, and of course, the avid sports fans wouldn’t come, because they had to watch the Rose Bowl or whatever that is on that day.

Romance is dead – it was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.

Oh no, the dead have risen and they’re voting Republican.

Do you know what it’s like to be the kind of girl that boys never talk to and then suddenly, a boy talks to you?

You can’t create a monster, then whine when it stomps on a few buildings.

Being myself didn’t work. Being someone else didn’t work. Maybe I just wasn’t meant to have friends.

It's not our fault our generation has short attention spans, Dad. We watch an appalling amount of TV.

Science has already proven the dangers of smoking, alcohol, and Chinese food, but I can still ruin soft drinks for everyone!.

Do you know what it's like to be the kind of girl that boys never talk to and then suddenly, a boy talks to you?